Strategizing for a faux fall

I’ve been known to go to extreme lengths to avoid cold weather: using breakfast burritos as hand warmers on the walk to class, covering myself with sheets of loose-leaf paper in Haley Center and taking shots from a flask of Theraflu warming liquid. I came to Auburn in large part because I was promised a short and very mild winter.

When September rolled around I reflexively started to indulge in my favorite rites of fall until, trying to sip hot cider on a 90-degree day, it dawned on me: a mild winter meant a nearly nonexistent autumn.

A more sensible woman might have chosen to give up, return to tank tops and be content to sunbathe all the way into November. But not me. My strategy is to adopt the attire and activities of the season in hopes that the weather will follow.

The mornings have been deceptively crisp this past week. Take this as license to break out your thickest scarves, cardigans, coats and boots. When you step out the door at 9 a.m., you will feel well-prepared for the early morning chill. By 11 a.m., you’re scrambling down the concourse, tearing off layers in a heat-induced frenzy. The beauty of fall is you can conceal yourself in so many layers of knits, wool, cotton, leather and fur that the shape of your body becomes largely indistinguishable.

Even while I’m huffing it past peers who are dressed in more seasonally appropriate outfits, I refuse to acknowledge that my pea coat has no place in 86-degree weather. Everyone looks more adorable in outerwear. If that means suffering a heatstroke for the sake of ushering in autumnal style, so be it.

Along with the fall comes an entire palette of new novelty items that scientists have figured out how to make taste like a pumpkin. To get into the spirit of the season, you should make a point to indulge in something pumpkin- flavored at least twice a day. Coffee shops have rolled out a spectrum of flavors that range from pumpkin spice latte to pumpkin spice chai to pumpkin spice white chocolate mocha.

Pair that with a pumpkin doughnut and a piping hot bowl of pumpkin soup, and try to ignore the beads of sweat that start to trickle down your forehead.

With enough preparation and the air conditioning set on a crisp 66 degrees, you can almost forget that your friends keep inviting you over to swim.

Read more:The Auburn Plainsman – Strategizing for a faux fall

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